The F-Buddy and the Answering Machine

The day after that red-headed coworker and I hooked up, I dropped by his work site after my shift to check on him. He seemed to be in a very good mood and told me he had someone he thought I should meet and asked if he could give him my number. I agreed he could introduce me to someone and was free to give my number as long as it wasn't going to be another long distance/phone sex fiasco. He assured me his friend was local and gave me his first name, but that's really all he told me. I wasn't expecting a lot or for things to happen very quickly, but sometimes the best things happen that way.

When I got home a little bit later, I found there was a message on my answering machine. It was him. I knew immediately from the voice that he was a black man and thought that curious. He introduced himself saying he was coworker's friend and that he lived at some apartments near the technical school where he was studying computers. It turned out he lived a few blocks away at the next exit, so I called him up and invited him over. About 15 minutes later, he was at my door and a few minutes after that, he was in my bed. He was a couple of years younger than me, good looking, dark skinned with short hair in that "chemically-relaxed" style black men wore between the "afro" trend and the "shaved head" trend. He was a little on the stocky side, a little slimmer than me, but about the same height. Naked, he had a sprinkling of those tight black curls on his chest and ass. His circumcised dick was nice, a bit longer and thicker than mine, but not uncomfortably so. It was just the right length for deep-throating and I wasn't shy about practicing that technique on him. We 69'd awhile and he was reasonably skilled as a cocksucker. It didn't take him long to decide he was ready to move on to anal sex. We got a condom on him and me lubed up for some tremendous fucking. His dick was quite comfortable in my ass and he knew how to fuck. After he came, we agreed to meet up again in a day or so when he could plan to stay longer or even overnight. This became our pattern for awhile. He would come to my apartment for the evening for a long make out session before he'd fuck me. After the first time, I took the initiative to fuck him after he was finished thereafter. Once we had both cum, we would sleep in my bed, and then in the morning, he would fuck me again. This went on gloriously, but irregularly for about 3 months. The sex was always superb, but we never did anything else.

We had enough conversation to know that we had a few things in common, so it seemed natural to me that we should formalize our arrangement and move on to dating, meeting friends and that sort of thing. I went to his apartment, a rare occurrence, late one evening in the summer of 1991 and tried to suggest we start dating. The silence in his response was quickly overshadowed by our passionate sex. I didn't really think anything else about it until I got home later and there was another message on my answering machine telling me he didn't think he should see me again.

Manhunt Review

I wasn't planning on writing another review quite so soon, but I got a free pass for a week's worth of premium access to Manhunt. Use it or lose it!

POPULATION:

First of all, Manhunt is not a bear-oriented site and has very little profile details for bear properties. There were 40406 members online at 7 pm on a Tuesday night, 456 ads online in the Dallas region (Fort Worth is a separate region), and 1406 ads online in Texas. There are 9448 members in the Dallas region and I again noticed the spikes in numbers of members at the milestone ages. 37% of the members are 18-29, 37% are 30-39, and the remaining 25% are 40 or older. Ethnically, the site is a puzzle. Around 40% of the members identify as white, while over 40% identify as "ask me" with minuscule numbers for black, latino, asian, middle eastern, mixed or other. Only 2% (200 members) overall identified their "Build" as "Bear" while another 2% (182) identified as "Heavy Set."

PROFILE:

Under "Account Info," you set your most basic information like billing, language, location elements such as State, Region, City, Neighborhood as well as your email/text messaging configuration. For your profile, you get to write yourself a headline and some ad text, upto 650 characters. You get a shortcut URL directly to your profile, unlike Men4SexNow, but similar to most bear sites. Your stats and sexual preferences are divided into 5 sections "The Flavor," "The Time," "The Position," "The Place," and "The Stats."
The Flavor is basically concerned with the sexual activities you are interested. There are 25 options ranging from JO, 1 on 1, Group Sex to Friends, Dating, LTR to Pig Play, WS, FF. Interestingly enough, there is an option for "No PNP" but no option for "PNP," not that I would encourage such an option.
The Time indicates your availability to hookup. You can always change this whenever you login as it has a special pulldown on the main page. You have 10 choices such as "Right Now!" or "After Work," as well as "Away," or "Not looking."
The Position seems pretty obvious. You have the usual choices including "Into JO Only," "Into Oral Only," hybrid choices like "Top/Vers." as well as the deliberately vague "Ask Me."
The Place seems to be a reasonably common selection. It's the classic "Your place or mine" with more choices like "In Public" or "Anywhere."
The Stats is where you get to do your self-examination. Age is a free form numeric field and we already know men lie about their age. Your "Build" can be any one of the following: Ask Me, Slim, Swimmers, Athletic, Average, Muscular, Heavy Set, or Bear. This is the only place that you can select any kind of bear characteristics. Your "Ethnicity" can be Ask Me, Asian, Black, Latino, Middle Eastern, Mixed, White, or Other. It appears almost half the guys will select "Ask Me" just because it is the first choice and "White" is hidden way over in the last column. You get a number of choices for eye color, hair color and HIV status. Finally, you can set your height in feet & inches or centimeters. There is no entry for weight.
For pictures, you can upload a primary, always public picture and/or upto 11 other pictures that you can specify whether they are public, private or inactive.

SEARCHING:

The basic searches on the site let you see "men online," "new profiles" or "all profiles" for your country, region, and city, all of which are adjustable at anytime. An odd effect of these searches is that the "ManhuntServiceMan" always appears in the results for "men online" in the city of "Manhunt HQ."
The Advanced Search is restricted to paid members. It allows you to search all those fields you specified for your own profile as well as keywords from the ad text, "only members online now" and "only members with pictures." You get several types of geographical search to help you narrow things down. You can use the zip code radius, specific city names or just the larger region. Once you have your criteria locked down, you can save your searches with a 12 letter name. You can have and edit multiple saved searches. This is a fairly versatile search. It uses the profile data very well allowing multiple selections on many search fields.
If you want to search by username, that's a completely different search and you do get to search on a partial username.

MESSAGING:

Manhunt has both an IM style messenger and e-mail style mailbox. You can disable the instant messenger if you like. You can control how frequently you are externally notified of messages in the mailbox. The mailbox offers 10 days of history or 500 messages for the inbox and sent items, upto 45 saved messages and a trash folder that auto-empties every 24 hours. Announcements, special offers and other site specific information comes to your inbox from "ManhuntServiceman."
You have your basic Buddy List that you can add or remove friends with the cool option of being able to choose which of the buddy's photos to use in your view of the list. The buddy list also includes the handy notes field.

PREMIUM:

The Full Access Membership is available for 7 Days for $7.00, 30 days for $12, or 90 days for $30. I like that they offer multiple duration memberships, such as the one week trial. Free users have different limits to their mailbox, but the main feature that free users don't get is the "blocked list." Remember that free users don't get access to the advanced search, nor do they get access to the mobile site.

MOBILE:

Mobile.Manhunt.Net is actually the best looking mobile hookup site I've seen so far. It has appropriate sized graphics, a great layout and features that make sense for a mobile device. The biggest drawbacks that I've seen are the "Men Online" query uses your state instead of your region or city, so you get a lot more hits outside your area and that you can't "add buddy" from the mobile interface. You have access to your Saved Searches, so you should create saved search for your most common mobile interests. For example, if you live and work in very different areas, you might have a saved search about "men online near work" and one about "men online near home" using the zip code radius and any other useful criteria you might want. You have to work out your mobile searches in advance since the advanced search is not present on the mobile site.

WARNINGS:

In conclusion, I really can't recommend Manhunt to bears whether they are looking or bears or chasers. There's not really any mechanism to find anyone interested in bears or chubs nor is the bear or chub population sufficient to attract chasers or admirers. I really don't find the overall population diverse enough based on the very goofy selections members have made. 85% white doesn't match my world or my experience. If you are young, white, and athletic and that's what you like, this is probably a good place with over twice the "online now" membership of gay.com.

Baths, bookstores, and bars

Back to the early 90's, it was probably 1990 when I made the first of several trips to Dallas to check out what the big city had to offer for this small town gay boy. It's funny to remember places that are now something completely different. There used to be an adult book store called something like "Lobo After Dark" in Oak Lawn. It was at the back of the building that now includes Hunky's, but on the side nearest the Nelson-Tebedo Clinic. There was very limited parking and everybody always joked about having "enter through the rear." Just exploring the stock, both video and magazines, was quite eye-opening. I probably shopped there a half-dozen times in a 2-3 year period before it closed down. Across the street, in the building where Skivvies is now, there was a very cool dance club that I distinctly recall dancing in only one time with friends.

From these 2 places on Cedar Springs, I soon branched out and discovered some adult bookstores on Mockingbird. I don't really recall their names anymore, but one was in the building now marked "McKool Graphics" and that's where I had some furtive gropes and an unexpected hookup one time. He and I along with about 8-10 other guys were in a small theater showing porn projected onto a screen. I remember following him to a part of north Dallas that I'd never seen before. For some reason though, I remember how we met more than the actual encounter. I know this seems kind of random, but it was memorable for being the only time I was cruised at an adult theater.

Around this same time, I discovered there was still a bath house operating in Dallas. (Actually, there are 2, and they are still operating, but I didn't learn about the second one until much later.) I first visited Midtowne Spa in Dallas sometime around the summer of 1990. For those that have been there recently, this was before the maze was installed, otherwise, it hasn't changed much in the 15 years until they remodeled the basement. The routine at Midtowne Spa at this time was to cruise the corridors, the spa area, or the roof. You could also leave your door open and try to catch someone's eye to invite in. Typically, you'd lay on the bed in your preferred position, showing off the particular asset you wanted to use. Bottoms would either face the door with the ass up and away from the door, or contort into a position to show your ass and still see the door. Tops had to maintain enough of an erection to attract interest. Before Viagra, this was more of a challenge for some guys than others. My main memory from my first visit was kind of a mixed deal. I was cruised by this super hot red-bearded otter and somehow we ended up in someone's room for a very awkward 3-some. I was in the middle of what should have been a hot bear sandwich. The red otter was very hot, but the other guy really wasn't prepared to be the bottom and it really wrecked the scene. Luckily, I would encounter the red otter again on at least 2 other trips to the baths. One time about 10 years ago, I saw him looking even hotter in a tux at an event at the Meyerson Symphony Center, but I never saw him again after that.

Sometime later, I went back to Midtowne Spa with a gay coworker. He had a much older partner, but seemed to free to go play in the city. We coordinated days off to drive up and spend the night at the club. Back then, you could check in to a room for 10-12 hours, nowadays, rooms at Midtowne are 6 or 8 hours. I really wanted to play with him and thought this would be a good opportunity, but once we were there, I never got the vibe that he was interested in playing with me. I still had a good time, cruising the halls and the steam room and several anonymous quickies of various flavors. We compared notes on the drive home, but never really spoke of it again.

Another time, I took a straight, but curious, young redheaded co-worker to Dallas to show him the Crossroads. For some reason, we ended up at a dive bar called Big Daddy's that is now a strip center with a sandwich and sushi shop. We were watching some comedic drag show when he decided to go tip the performer. A bit later, I discovered he had arranged for her to come over and embarrass me. He got a good laugh out of it, but decided it was time to return home. I remember he stayed the night at my place and we were up very late experimenting. He was a good kisser and actually a good cocksucker. He said he'd never done that before and his earnestness was pretty believable. He had a comfortable-sized cut cock that I certainly enjoyed playing with. He really wasn't interested in fucking me, but I don't recall if he let me fuck him. I do know that we both had a good time and a satisfactory conclusion, but that ultimately, he decided he was more interested in girls. I ran into him a few years later in a similar job at another location. He had gotten 2 different women pregnant at the same time, so he was struggling to pay his share of everything for both babies. He seemed happy about the way things turned out and was genuinely glad to see me and tell me all these details.

Men4SexNow Review

POPULATION:

Men4SexNow is the 2007 winner of the Cybersocket "Best Hookup Site" webaward. M4SN always seems fairly busy to me based on the way it presents the "Quickview Guys Online" page. On a mid-afternoon Sunday check, there were 250 men logged in to the "TX - Dallas/Fort Worth/Arlington" view of the site, with almost twice as many guys flagging "versatile" over the other choices (top, bottom, no preference). There are over 12000 users that have selected the DFW region as their home area. This data was a little difficult to gather; they don't exactly brag about their numbers like some other sites. I also noticed the tendency of people to stretch the truth a bit in their profiles, whether it is shave 10 pounds off their weight or add an inch or so to their dick size. It was very clear that milestone ages (25, 30, 35, 40, and 45, especially) were all safe ages to "stay" for a few years. All those ages showed significantly more men than the age above or below. About 40% of the men were in their 30's, 30% are in their 40's or older and the other 30% are 18-29. The DFW site is about 70% white, 14% hispanic, and 12% black with the most diversity in the younger ages.

PROFILE:

Under "Your Account," your ad is the most basic part of your profile. You get to write yourself a headline and some ad copy, set your region, specify your city or neighborhood and your ZIP code. There are 26 Texas regions to choose from and most states or countries have multiple regions. You can also upload upto 6 public pictures and 3 private pictures. You also get to set a bunch of statistical information about yourself such as sexual position, body hair, age, cock size, ethnicity, height, weight, hair color, body type, cut/uncut, smoking status, and HIV status. You also get to set some preferences such as your safe sex practices and where you prefer to meet. Finally, you get to indicate what kinds of activities and guys you are looking for. There's a fairly extensive list of "scenes you're into" which range from the basic "J/O" and "Oral Sex" to archetypes like "Jock," "Daddy," "Bear," "Chub," and "Twink" to more advanced activities like "Bondage," "Verbal," and "Anything Goes." You can also have a voice message, but I haven't noticed those being very common on the site. All the profile fields are specifically chosen to match the site's focus on ease of hooking up. You're not going to find anything about personality, mannerisms, cultural activities or entertainment here. There's absolutely no expectation about finding a long term relationship using this site, although it is funny to stumble across profiles trying to say they're not looking for sex.

SEARCHING:

This site's strength is in its searching. There are a number of pre-configured searches that have their own buttons like "Cruise Ads," "Guys Online," "Fresh Meat," and "Sex Now," however, the full search is probably the most useful search page around. The advanced search really leverages all the profile data you've given, however, only the first 500 results are returned, so learn to narrow your search. I particularly like the ZIP code radius and the "Last Online" field so I'm not looking at abandoned profiles. If I was doing more serious sex research, this search form would be a dream. For instance, I was pleasantly surprised to find that "Safe Sex Only" is still selected as a preference more often than the vague "No Preference" and the bolder "Bareback" choice combined. The only thing I don't like about the search is that you can't do a partial name search; you have to enter an exact match for the username.

The advanced search is really only available to paid users. Free users have to get by with the pre-configured searches. The "Guys Online" and "Who Viewed You" are the best places to just hang out, refreshing periodically or peeking at who has viewed you. If you are in a bit of a hurry, the "Sex Now" page gives the guys that have indicated the best times they are free and looking to hookup. You can search for "Now" as well as some preset time frames like "7pm-11pm." You can set your Sex Now indicator for your optimal hookup times as well as some of the activities you are interested in, like "1 on 1," "Couples" or more.

And then there's the "Sex Parties" page. Free users can visit the Sex Parties page and indicate interest in attending any of the listed parties, but only paid membes can create their own sex parties. Be sure and check the details of the party to see time and location, that the types and number of guys are acceptable to you as well as the expected level of safety. Party hosts get to approve or decline men that have expressed interest in attending their sex parties.

MESSAGING:

The site offers an instant message style chat, but that's not available for free users. You can turn off the IM in one of the menus and I recommend that if you are going to remain a free user. Luckily, if you fail to answer an IM for whatever reason, it gets converted to an e-mail type message. The site e-mails you your contact's message and profile link. Paid members can get their messages on the site as well as by e-mail, however, free members can only send 5 messages per day. Basic level users can get 7 days worth of message history at the site and premium users can get 30 days history. Your site mailbox gives you the most basic information about the guy contacting you like his screen name, age, position and safety preferences. Their implementation of a buddy list is a paid feature called the "hottie list" and you can flag your prospects as "I'm Interested," "Let's Have Sex" or "Deactivate Him For Now" (which is not the same as removing him from your hottie list) plus a free form Notes field. If you add someone to your Hottie list, he can see it from his Hottie list and could receive an e-mail notification. You may also get a special notification if you match up on each other's hottie lists.

PREMIUM:

The site has 3 levels of membership: free, basic and premium. Free is the most restrictive, but free and you do get prompted to upgrade every time you login. Basic offers all the site's functionality with some limits, most of which I've covered previously. The premium member gets lots of perks like top listing in the pre-configured searches, 30 days of history in the mailbox and "who viewed you", 10 profile updates instead of 5, an extra travel location, plus several exclusive features like name change, stealth mode and photo rotator. Free members don't see the rotating photos. When I first upgraded to basic, it was very obvious which members were premium due to the photo rotator as every time I refreshed one of the searches, the thumbnails would change. The stealth mode is to hide yourself from other guys' "who viewed you" pages. I can see how that would be necessary as you have to view a profile in order to block it. Premium users also get some hardcore porn passes, but that's not the reason anyone buys the premium pack. The premium plan is as low as $10.95 per month if you commit to a year's worth, otherwise, a one time fee of $13.95 will let you try it for a month or $6.95 to try it for 4 days. Basic is $9.95 for one month non-recurring or $4.95 for 4 days.

MOBILE:

The mobile site, mobile.m4sn.com, is for paid members only. It offers some of the site's basic features, like the "Who's Online," "Who Viewed My Ad," and the "My Hotties Online Now" as well as the site mailbox. The biggest limitation I can see is that you cannot post your "Sex Now" ad from the mobile site, nor do you get any of the search power from the main site aside from the 3 pre-configured searches. In other words, you cannot initiate communication with someone is isn't online, has viewed your ad or sent you a message. The main site does offer some mobile tools you can setup in advance to be able to quickly respond to an incoming message with one of three pre-written responses. There is, otherwise, no indication to other members that you are using the mobile site.

WARNINGS:

Although M4SN is strongly focussed on getting "sex now" with guys nearby, most of its members aren't bears or interested in bears. The powerful search does make it easy to find the members that want or are bears. A telling piece of information is that weight choices stop at "230 pounds or more" and that's pretty much where bear weights begin. I got much more use out of it 3-4 years ago than I've been getting recently. Another limitation is that the site is not smart enough to turn off the "IM" button on profiles for users that have the Instant Messenger disabled. It also shows the "hot" button even if you already have them on your hot list or block list or if he has put you on his block list.